Our 1 year wedding anniversary is this weekend and it kind of blows my mind.
As of late, I find myself thinking about a lot of things. I think about how much we have done in the past year and how quickly time has gone by. How much I have learned in just 1 year of marriage and how much I still need to learn. How thankful I am for our marriage and that I always have Chris by my side.
I also think about how different my life is right now versus this same time last year. You see, I really did not like being a bride. I know that people always say how amazing it is and how it’s the best time of your life, but I was pretty darn miserable. The attention made me uncomfortable, the pressure of planning a wedding consumed me, the desire to please everyone was exhausting. I was beyond in love with the fact that I was going to marry Chris, but I simply wanted to be married. I quickly turned into a big mish mash of emotional craziness and it really wasn’t fun for anyone at all.
It didn’t help my emotional instability that over the course of the 11 months from popping the question to the big day thateverything seemed like an uphill battle. Our wedding venue changed location three times, even after we had sent the invitations out. A week away from the big day I didn’t even know if people would show up to the right place or if there would be seats for them to sit in. It was a full time job and it was exhausting.
On top of all of the silly wedding planning stress, there were a number of painful things in my life that left me feeling distraught and upset. In the months leading up to our wedding I simultaneously experienced more joy than I ever had as well as more heartbreak than I ever knew was possible. In the year after, I’m still learning how to cope.
In the end, our wedding was beautiful and I am beyond thankful for the day that we had and the people that we shared it with. I love thinking of how I couldn’t stop laughing during photos, Chris and I trying to whisper the steps to each other during our first dance, my voice being so shaky with nerves saying my vows, my sister’s toast that brought tears to my eyes. The little things like that make my heart smile.
With such an amazing, special, challenging, trying and emotional time as a bride, I must admit that I was happy to retire the title of “bride” in exchange for “wife.” Although it can be stressful at times, in my opinion it never seems as hard. Maybe it is the comfort of knowing that Chris is truly my forever partner or that I can always be myself, but being his wife makes me feel so many things that I never knew I would in life. So far, I have made some wonderful memories as a wife and can’t wait to make even better ones. I think I’ll stick with it.
Photos by Sunglow Photography